Being negative about everything all the time isn’t healthy, but neither is toxic positivity.
On the surface, “good vibes only” means not letting people or things ruin your mood. But people sometimes take this a little too far.
It gets to a point where it’s no longer about blocking out “negative aura” or whatever; it turns into a form of emotional suppression. If you’re trying to uplift a friend, for example, with this mentality, it can leave them feeling invalidated.
Today, we’ll teach you why “good vibes only” can hurt your mental health, and how to hold space for real emotions. No more masking or bottling up how you truly feel, alright?
The Negatives of Toxic Positivity
Let’s start by covering what toxic positivity looks like because it’s not always easy to identify.
If you’re going through a rough time in your life, I’m sure you’d like someone to vent to ease the weight of it all a little bit.
So you call a good friend to vent. But when they offer advice, it sounds like this:
- “Don’t worry about that; just look on the bright side.”
- “There’s too much negativity in the world to worry about this.”
- “Just focus on the good things in your life.”
This isn’t hurtful per se, but would you feel better if, after all that venting you did, this was all you received? There’s not much comfort or understanding going on with comments like these.
Or how about this: you got into a situation with someone close to you. This person may have hurt you unintentionally and it bothers you. But instead of confronting the problem, you ghost them for a bit, hiding your true feelings, all for the sake of maintaining a positive image.
Then you go on Instagram to like posts saying “focused on me” or “don’t have time for negative energy.”
And yet, the core problem was never addressed. Instead, you walk around with this “good vibes only” persona, never trying to heal from whatever’s bothering you.
Or, if you’re like me, you use toxic positivity because you’re afraid to feel the things you truly feel.
Deep down, there’s that one particular topic that you avoid at ALL costs. That one topic, if brought up, is enough to shatter you to pieces internally. And you try to duck and dodge that topic by any means possible using toxic positivity as a cover-up.
All of these scenarios are examples of how toxic positivity affects mental health negatively, whether it’s yours or someone you care about.
How Suppressing Negative Feelings Affects Your Mental Health
Getting too caught up in toxic positivity will eventually cause changes in your usual behavior. That can look like:
- Increased stress: all of your anxieties will continue to get worse if they’re not addressed
- Overreacting: you unnecessarily blow up over little things, which could be damaging to your relationships
- Difficulty expressing yourself: open communication becomes hard to where it feels borderline impossible
- Unhealthy coping methods: turning to the club with several bottles in hand shouting “good vibes only” is not a healthy coping option
Choosing to bottle your feelings up not only affects your mind but also affects your body. The American Psychological Association explains how heightened stress can lead to tense muscles, spiked blood pressure, breathing problems, and headaches.
Without addressing your suppressed feelings, one –if not all– of the above symptoms can become chronic.
Treat Your ‘Bad’ Feelings as Signals, Not Burdens
I get it; negative feelings suck. Nobody enjoys feeling sad. You don’t gain anything by sulking in hatred and anger all day.
But if you truly care about your mental health, you have to feel and work through these feelings. Positivity doesn’t counter your negative feelings; both are essential for your mental health.
Yes, you read that right. Negative feelings are essential for your mental health, despite whatever society says otherwise.
Instead of trying so hard to sweep your negative feelings under the rug, let them be “alerts” for your brain.
These bad feelings let our bodies know that something isn’t right, and we need to do something about it.
You’ve been stressed and irritable all day; how much sleep did you get last night?
Your heart is racing because you need to do or talk about something uncomfortable; fear of the unknown has you paralyzed, unable to take that one step forward to growth.
4 Tips to Create an Emotionally Safe Space for You and Others
Instead of using toxic positivity to run away from actual problems, use these tips to create a healthy space to truly feel your feelings.
Establish and Respect Boundaries
Even in a safe space, you or someone else may still not be ready to open up about every single thing causing mental turmoil.
Everyone progresses at their own pace, so if someone doesn’t yet feel comfortable opening up, don’t pressure them. And set that same boundary for others.
Surround Yourself With Mentally Calming Items
We live in a society full of noise, hustle and bustle, long task lists, and traffic. All things that would give someone anxiety.
If you want to create a safe space, eliminate the environment of these stressors. Make it a space where you can actually hear your mind.
Physically, this is how you space for real emotions to flow.
Validate Your/Their Feelings
Feelings are complex; it won’t always be easy to understand what you or someone else feels. And that’s okay.
What matters is that you acknowledge these feelings instead of brushing them off with toxic positivity or defensiveness.
Show Compassion
Most importantly, show that you care. It doesn’t matter if it’s towards yourself or someone else’s feelings.
Approach your/other’s feelings with love and compassion. Listen to them deeply, without immediately jumping to finding a solution (unless that’s what you’re looking for). Let these uncomfortable feelings be seen and heard.
Leave the Toxic Positivity in the Trash
Running away from your internal problems will do nothing to help you grow. Take it from someone who spent years bottling up his emotions from others to the point where he now has a hard time expressing himself.
It’s not worth it.
Pretending to be happy, even when you know you’re not until you are isn’t healthy for the mind.
Save yourself the stress, emotional confusion, and defensiveness by gradually healing through the pains one step forward at a time.
