Achieving emotional wellness is no easy task. It takes a lot of effort from yourself, and sometimes with the help of others, such as a therapist.
Regardless, you gotta make that daily effort to give your mind the healing it needs.
But what about those moments where you feel like nothing you’re trying is working? That’s when you have a deep moment with yourself to see what you’re really doing.
You may not realize it right away, but there’s likely a strong hidden reason why you’re not healing.
Today, we’ll share 8 potential barriers getting in the way of your emotional wellness and what you can do to overcome them.
Fear of Facing Difficult Feelings
I get it; nobody wants to deal with the uncomfortable and the unfamiliar. We’re prone to dismissing these thoughts for other positive feelings. And that’s one of the strongest reasons why you’re not healing internally.
Pretending to be positive when you know you’re not, does more harm than good. It slowly makes you incapable of properly understanding how you truly feel. When you try to explain how you feel to others, all they get is some shallow response, not a fully honest answer.
One of the reasons I suck at confronting my uncomfortable feelings is my fear of not knowing what will come out of it. In my head, opening up feels like a burden. I become emotionally resistant because I think that whatever I say will result in me getting judged or shunned for not being good enough.
And whenever I can “safely” open up, I freeze up and just stick to what I’m comfortable with sharing. 90% of the time, that’s nowhere near close to what I need to unburden myself with to achieve any emotional wellness.
But despite these fears, we tackle these uncomfortable feelings anyway. The sooner you face these bad feelings, the sooner you can understand what about yourself needs healing.
That understanding brings you one step forward to emotional wellness.
Negative Self Talk
Our brains are wired to have an inner dialogue with ourselves. And unfortunately, not all of those internal conversations are positive.
Allowing too many negative thoughts to roam in your head will make you believe things that aren’t true and overreact to situations. It’ll get to a point where your stress levels spike, your feelings get blurred, and you miss out on crucial opportunities from being too doom and gloom.
To gain emotional wellness using your inner dialogue, focus on positive self-talk. Foster a habit of daily affirmations, practicing gratitude, and praying/meditation (or whatever your religion does).
Having Unrealistic Views of Success
Ok, hear me out with this. I’m not at all saying you shouldn’t shoot for the moon when it comes to your goals and desires.
What I am saying is that you need to keep your goals practical and realistic. Of these two goals, which one sounds feasible?:
“I need to be a billionaire with a giant mansion, luxury cars, and a fantastic view of nature.”
Or…
“I want to have one stream of income that pays my bills, one to help me invest into my future, one to build my savings, one to treat myself, and one to travel.”
Both examples are achievable, and both are good examples of a successful lifestyle.
But being a billionaire is extremely difficult (and somewhat unethical but I won’t get into that today…). The second example is much more feasible, and it’s specific and measurable (and doesn’t involve exploiting people desperate for work…).
Create and chase after big dreams, but don’t rob yourself of emotional wellness by setting unrealistic goals.
Being too Closed Off
It’s generally good practice to learn from your mistakes. But what about when those mistakes came from letting someone get close to you only to then hurt you later?
When you make that mistake several times over, you build a wall to protect your emotions.
You don’t open up to anyone about anything. Any time someone attempts to get to know you, you give them the cold shoulder.
And this cycle continues until you reach a point of loneliness, yearning for companionship of some kind (no, I don’t only mean romantically).
I’m not saying that you should let anybody in any time, but learn to tread lightly with those wanting to get to know you. Not everyone has a hidden agenda.
Despite being an introvert, I understand that I need worthy people in my corner who will provide a bit of emotional wellness and support in my life. When I say worthy, I mean people who will:
- Respect my boundaries
- Uplift me when I’m down
- Cheer for me in a silent audience
- Be a safe space for me to experience emotional wellness
Comparing Your Journey to Others’
Comparison is the thief of joy; probably the most used quote when it comes to comparing yourself.
And yet people still compare.
But to be fair, how can we not? We live in a society where everything pretty much needs to be put online.
You open up Instagram, and most of your feed is:
- Someone’s recent trip abroad to Italy while you can’t afford to even travel 2 hours away
- A coworker celebrating a promotion while you never got an interview
- That one person you had class with in college sharing their engagement photos while you’re still single
- One couple sharing their pregnancy announcement even though you’ve been trying for a while
All these great things you’ve been working towards and praying for are happening to everyone around you. And all you can think is “What am I doing wrong?”
But one thing you have to remember: almost nobody shares the struggles in their story.
Yes, everyone seems like they’re thriving on the surface, but as far as you know, they may not have been financially responsible with their decisions. Or they’re posting to seek validation from others.
To focus on gaining emotional wellness is to not focus on what others have that you don’t. What they have may be what you want, but your path to reaching these luxuries and desires will be significantly different than theirs.
You can still have that fancy trip, raise or promotion, love life, or family. It doesn’t have to (and definitely shouldn’t) be the exact same way as someone else.
Don’t rob yourself of emotional wellness by worrying about someone else’s; you don’t know their hidden story.
Ignoring Your Body
Your body tells you everything you need to know in ways you may not even realize. It lets you know when you’re:
- Nervous: heart racing because of a pending tough talk
- Tired: when you overwork yourself to the point where you can’t function properly
- Stressed: easily triggered by small things, getting anxiety over unrealistic potential outcomes
- Sensing danger: the gut feeling that something isn’t right and that you should change your course of action
To not listen to your body talking to you is to put your physical and emotional wellness in jeopardy.
Acknowledging these body signals, and taking action immediately, gives you the energy and focus needed to feel and think refreshed and clear.
Wanting to Take the Easy Way Out
Growth and healing take time and patience. You can’t just rush through this and expect results instantly.
Many times, we don’t want to wait that long. We’ve endured so much hardship as it is; we deserve to feel inner peace.
As true as that is, you can’t obtain it by taking shortcuts. Cutting corners causes you to miss crucial steps in the healing journey.
For example, let’s say going to parties is your happy place. Going out partying much more than usual gives you happiness. But it reaches a point where you delude yourself into believing you reached emotional wellness when you haven’t even handled your inner demons.
Then, when something triggering comes along, you realize you haven’t grown as much as you thought you had. And that’s the danger of taking shortcuts.
To achieve real emotional wellness, take everything step by step. A good way to start is to jot down everything that brings you emotional unwellness, then list the reasons why they do.
This way you have a visual on what you need to intentionally work on daily.
Just work on one battle at a time; don’t try to win the war right from the start.
Not Asking for Help
Do you know how comparison is the thief of joy? I’m coming up with a (hopefully) new phrase: pride is the barrier to prosperity.
And to this day, I still am learning this…
Because one of my biggest issues is pride masquerading in shame and guilt. I feel that I have to accomplish everything on my own to have some sense of self-worth. The idea of climbing to the top and needing support from others irks my soul.
Asking for help makes me feel defeated, shameful, and weak. Yet, it’s a requirement to thrive.
The stress that comes with doing everything solo is taxing on the mind. So much so that even if I accomplished something big on my own, that feeling of victory isn’t even as sweet as I want it to be.
It feels empowering to know I won all on my own, but when I look at what more I could’ve had by asking for help, I become less proud.
Now, I can’t even celebrate myself. I’m instead criticizing the choices I made that caused me to miss out on potentially great opportunities, all because I wouldn’t ask for help.
Don’t be like me.
If you’re struggling with something or need a little boost, seek support from someone. It’s embarrassing at first, but when you see what you can accomplish with a little help, you’ll feel lots of emotional wellness in your heart and mind.
Achieve Your Emotional Wellness One Step Forward at a Time
You know now what’s standing in the way of you reaching your emotional wellness. What’s your next step to break down these barriers?
Progress and consistency are part of mental success. Give yourself the grace and trust to keep going!
